To you all

Comments that I want to respond to:

MAX: But Angel, don't you EVER tell me I don't understand you. No, it's you who doesn't understand me!

No, I don't Max. I don't understand you! I want to...I really do. I know you've been through more than me, but that's why you can handle this better than me. I'm WEAK and I've NEVER been through something like this. That's why it's so hard for me. That's what you don't understand about me.

MAX: Brittany if you died it would be my fault. I tried to help but i jsut don't know what to do anymore! I'm so scared brittany, I don't want to loose you. Please... I can't loose you. If I loose you then I loose myself.

Why can't you see what you're writing? You're writing this to me, but you're also writing this to you, but in my words. It's the SAME FUCKING THING!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why can't you just take your own advice? Why? Please? Just try to. If you die I lose myself and I'll die! Please, just take yourown advice, read what you write to me, READ IT. I mean REALLY READ IT! Just, please. I'm begging you to help me Janae. You were right, you are the only one who TRULY understands me. I'm sorry. It's all I can say. I'm sorry.

Robby, I'm so so so so sorry. If you DO go out with me again, you WILL have to earn my trust back, okay? I DO really love you. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm just about ready to let go. But I need you. And I need Janae for me to live and Keep Holding On, okay? And I'm still learning to move on from the pain I've felt from TWO WEEKS AGO. You have to understand that. If I EVER seem mean or bitchy for whatever reason, it's probably just because something happened and I'm trying to deal with it. And there will ALWAYS be some doubt with Cayla and I don't know if I want to take that chance.

I'm sorry.
I truly am.
There's nothing more I can say. I'm sorry. Just sorry. I never meant to hurt anyone, but I can't help it! I didn't mean to. I didn't want to. It just happened. I feel horrible about this and I know I can't take it back. I wish I could. I really do. I son't know what to say to make this better. I don't know what to do to fix this. I don't know who I truly am anymore. I've turned into this, lying person who can't control what she says anymore and it ALWAYS comes out a lie! I don't want to be this person. I hate myself for what I've done and what I've turned into. I lie once, and my WHOLE life becomes one huge lie.

I just need help.
I need that one person in my life. Who won't lie to me at all. Who won't be angry with me when I don't want to talk about something and won't yell at me when I try to explain how I feel. I want that so bad and I thought I had it in Robby....But then Cayla came into the picture and I lost it all. I lost everything I ever lived for. He was my life, and I lost him...It was like dying. I never want this to happen again. I WANT to believe him, but I don't know...I said there will always be some doubt. *sigh*

You know what's making me sad right now?
I just remembered that I asked Robby to go to the chorus concert in the winter but he said no. He had also said he would go to the spring one, just to see me. Now, i'm afraid to ask him to go. I'm afraid he won't want to see ME but HER. Because she's in chorus too. *sigh* I don't know. I'll think everything over. Turn it over and over in my mind until I feel like I'm going to explode...I tend to do that alot lately.

x.X| [A]ngel |X.x
So torn between what I want and what I need. What I want is to stay away from love and Robby so I can't get hurt again. But I need him so bad...=[
Angel out.