i want to die.
no one understands anything I say, no matter how hard I try to tell them. No one listens. They say they do, they say they will, but they DON'T. NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME, WILL LISTEN TO ME, LOVE ME, OR HOLD ME WHEN I'M SAD IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM.
I don't even know if I trust any (guy) anymore. I give my love to ONE person...I would have given him everything. But he turned his back on me for another girl. He says he loves us both, and he needs to make a desicion. well, 1) I am NOT going to sit around and wait for a decision. 2) If someone needs to think about who they like better between two people, why should either of them like him? There's always that little bit of doubt when one person likes two people and CHOOSES one of them to go out with.
Iggy thinks that choosing the person he "loves" best is the hardest decision of his life. Well, if Cayla says no, I am NOT EVER going to take him back!! (Just so you know Robby.) And...he shouldn't even deserve to be called "Iggy" anymore. w/e.
Anyway, If he thinks that choosing a PERSON is the hardest thing to choose, try choosing life or death. That's MY hardest decision. And, Robby, don't even TRY to tell me I don't understand or w/e you usually say. Cause YOU'RE the one who doesn't understand. YOU'RE the one who doesn't listen! Here I am, struggling for life, hanging on the edge, and you say you love HER and ME?! Then, you go and say you have to DECIDE between us?! NO! I will NEVER trust you again! NEVER!
You know, and this is to everyone here, I almost broke down in social studies class today, because I didn't finish my terms. Then, again in Chourus because of the song, God Help The Outcasts. I almost started to cry. I wanted to die more than anything this morning and no one - not even me - knows why! So if anyone, even Max, says they understand...You don't. No one understands how I'm feeling! NO ONE!
I just need someone.
I need someone who will love me no matter what! No matter who those other girls are. Someone who can trust me and who I can trust. Someone to call me beautiful and smart and funny, even if I say I'm not. Someone to argue with over silly things, like...whcih baseball team is better Red Sox or Yankees. (Well, the answeer here is clear, but you know...) I want someone there for me to cry on when I need it the most. Someone...Someone to...Love. Really really love. Who won't go and turn his back on me. Who won't tell me bad things. Who won't lie to me. I need someone like that. Just like that.
But I know that will never happen, so I can just stop dreaming now.
I am in SR and trying not to just, let go, right here, right now. Cry like there's no tomorrow. Cry until the world ends. Cry forever, until I die. Just, cry.
Maybe if I had a person like the one I described, my life wouldn't be so bad right now. Well, dream's over, and so's this post.
x.X| Angel |X.x
@->-- Is depressed.
About Me
- [A]ngel {of} [M]usic
- I love music!! It totally rocks my socks. specially Good Charlotte!! Whoo music & friends/family!! @->--[rose] ~~Angel
4 comments:
angel... please don't be like this. we all love you and think ur beautyful. u kno dat. ur 1 of the smartest ppl i kno, and u make me laugh all the time, cuz yes, u r funny. plz dont say u want to die. ive felt like that all the time. I almost killed myself over the summer. we al trust eachother, no matter wat happens. u will find that special guy just 4 u someday. but w/o failure, how can we succeed? but there is no such thing as the "perfect man" as many ppl think. and hey, rnt we all 'seeking and answer to why we were born' i kno i am. when my mom wuz pregnant w/ me, my parents first wanted an abortion, so plz dont think that u r the only 1 who has is tough. i dont mean 2 sound mean.i dont want to, but plz try and get through this. we need u. and yes. if he has to think about who he LOVES, all he is, is a lowlife, chumsucking, COCKSUCKER! Robby, if u reading this, dpnt u eveh hurt my sister again. Im watching out 4 her. we all r
god damn it! im so sorry! i realized today...i dont love cayla...nor have i ever...she kept me thinking that i did by telling me certain things...im so sorry! i want u back! even if it means i have to earn ur trust all over again! i no i promised not to do anything to hurt u...and i broke that promise...i DO feel like a jackass...but please gimme a chance and i swear ill make it up to u...what u described...how u needed some1 to hold u when u needed it the most, how u needed some1 to cry on...and to tell u that ur beautiful smart and funny even when u say ur not...i did that...and i wanna do it again...cuz to me u r the most beautiful person in the world...ur definitely smart i mean look at ur grades compared to mine =\ not to mention u make me laugh all the time even if i dont show it...i WANT to be there for u...but i need u here for me too. if i dont have u to think of chances are i AM going to stay back...u keep me motivated...so i can move onto highschool with u. i love u brittany ive always loved u. i was just being a blind jackass to realize that u need me and im sorry for that...im sorry for hurting u and ill never do it again...this time i MEAN it!
and to joey and every1 that reads what i said...plz believe me...i just didnt no what to do and i never wanted to break up with brittany in the first place! i had asked her to show me that she still loves me and stuff which i no sounds stuck up but it was so id have an excuse to end it with cayla once and for all! i tried to tell brittany last night but we couldnt quite stop yelling =( plz...believe me that i will love brittany forever and always...ill always protect her no matter what the consequence...ill hold her when she needs holding...and ill let her cry on my shoulders when she needs to...i PROMISE...but i no u think my promise isnt worth much right now...so i swear that if i do ANYTHING to hurt brittany which i WONT...that u can hit me all u want and ill follow whatever u tell me to do...even if it means staying away from her forever =( i SWEAR! i genuinely love brittany
it sux, love, when it breaks, i no.... it sux.... but u guys, man u guys have sumthing special! the problem is that u both.... idk how to say it.....u both..... well u love each other, that was obvious! but u guys r just ........ idk, u guys, u both make mistakes, every1 does, but u guys,.... to me u guys seem like a couple that can break thro all odds, a couple that can make it thro even tho u make mistakes, and i mean Brit, i think he meant it! i mean i think he REALLY meant it! if he didnt mean it, it wouldnt have been that heart felt! Please dont get mad at me.... i'm friends with both of u and i dont want to take sides..... im just trying to help! But i mean i think deep down, and i'm just winging it here,.... i think that sespite all that he has done, i think u really DO want to trust him.... i think u want to have faith in him again, and yeah it will take sum time, almost everything does.... but u need to give it the opportunity to heal, for time to heal it!
I love u angel!
And yeah, Robby, if u do hurt her, i will put away, the friendship that we have and kill u're little ass! sry if i seem harsh!
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